Get off My Ass!!! Your Breath stinks!

Did I write ‘ass’? I meant case. What’s the difference in this age when seemingly clear words have unclear meanings attached. Like ‘package’ means; Hm-mm, you said it and ‘case’ means…..well, you didn’t hear it from me. Moving on, I’m not one to lose my cool, but i have really had enough.

I woke up this morning feeling like the best thing to walk this earth. I performed my morning rituals and proceeded to begin my day. It was beautiful; the sun radiated warm goodness, it wasn’t difficult to see the hand work of an excellent designer in the trees, and the flying birds chirped tunes that sounded like sweet music. Everything progressed.

As I left the estate, I was determined to maintain my spirit regardless of whatever hassle Lagos threw at me. I walked a few blocks and the air had become an un-rejectable mess of dust and smoke. I began to feel my heart race as chaotic sounds from bus conductors played nauseating melodies rhythmic to horrendous beats pounding from engines that screamed for retirement. I am definitely in Lagos, I told myself. The yellow buses made sure I knew that. I boarded one headed for Ikeja from Agege and glad to be in an enclosement, thanking God for the ability to sense such organized chaos.

White clouds floated effortlessly underneath the blue sky, giving me a sense of serenity as I viewed them through an open window. An interruption came from a man seated to my left. I raised my head to audience him. He didn’t look like much, seemed to be in his late forties, wore a faded black shirt, light brown chinos pants and dirty black flip-flop that needed to be changed. He mumbled words and a cold chill ran down my spine at the utterance of such terror. How could this happen? I was in disbelief about the occurrence until he uttered more words that were accompanied by evil forbidable smell that should know no place on the anatomy of a living human being. My eyes watered as vibrations ran through my nerves in utter disgust. I was fortunate, he wasn’t talking to me and the bus had a few vacant seats. I quietly made my way to another seat. A beautiful lady made her way into the bus and sat on my previous seat. I couldn’t bring myself to warn her of the calamity that sat beside her. The bus soon roared and our journey began.

For some reason, the man(lets call him Evil Breath) began to speak. I turned to face his direction with the sole intent of studying the people who sat beside him especially the fair beautiful lady!. Her eyes grew wider and seemed to search for something in confusion. They stopped at Evil Breath’s face and studied his now closed lips. She looked behind her seat, at the open boot behind, probably looking for rotting meat that would explain the strange phenomenon of the air she had been forced to inhale. Finally, she settled down, gaining a degree of poise.

 The bus conductor started his business of collecting payments for his service and got to Evil Breath’s turn. Evil Breath handed him a very dirty 1000 naira note that led to an explosion vented by the conductor.

“Mi oni change” he said, throwing the note at Evil Breath

.

 Evil Breath was obviously offended by this gesture. The grimace on his face said it all.

“Take this money my friend and hand me my balance” he shouted at the conductor, handing him the note.

 Beautiful lady seemed to be in shock, sadness and disgust all at the same time. For a moment her eyes were glued to Evil Breath’s face, she regained consciousness and looked away with a countenance that said more than all the words of her vocabulary would ever express. All the while Evil Breath voiced and breathed out garbage with words as evil as his breath all targeted at the conductor who may have known all too well that a fox and a skunk may be enemies but the experienced fox remains wise enough to keep its distance when a skunk comes in sight. Mr Evil Breath’s voice rang in the bus, and passengers didn’t seem to mind. He began to vent his frustration at Nigeria. Blaming the government for allowing such vagabonds lose on streets. His speech went somewhat this way.

 “Can you imagine this rift-raft? It's the cause of the government that people like you remain lose. Lawless driving remains rampant, Corruption is everywhere and this useless country with its stupid government are going to be divided. See Boko-haram, PHCN, useless roads...”

 Suddenly I felt like I personified Nigeria, feeling really hurt and angry! The validilty of his claims were completely insane yet he ferociously rained on my a**. He’s obviously living in the past I thought. All the unkind complains that I have ever come across targeted at Nigeria flooded my mind at frightening rates. All of which involved people passionately slandering Nigeria. Worst of all to realise that these people were Nigerians that enveloped themselves in false security and joy from having people look up to them as they degraded the status of their motherland.

Truth be told, we are Nigerians and we are Nigeria. Its will remain forever pointless to dwell on whatever fault lived in the past. The land remains green and largely untapped resources are overlooked by complainers who point at the government in disdain without realising they actually point at themselves.

 Those of you open to the present abundance should avoid these complainers like a plague. Only then will you enrich your enviroment and inevitably yourselves. There are people out there working honestly and earnestly to bring about development. Look out for their effort and add whatever value you can.