Being an Adult: The Decision to Be Remarkable and Why it Matters to You.

But of all the things you need to do to change the world, the decision to be different, to be a tall poppy is the most important.

-Alex Butler.

Ivan Petrovich Pavlov

An Induced Response

In 1904, Russian physiologist Ivan Petrovich Pavlov received a Nobel Prize for his work on the digestive system and conditioned reflexes. A famous research project he conducted involved ringing a bell whenever he fed his dogs. Before long, whenever he rung his bell, the dogs would salivate regardless of whether or not they were about to be fed. The signal of the bell and the urge to eat had become one and they responded accordingly. The world came to call this behaviour "The Pavlovian Response". 

I find this behaviour interesting, especially as it concerns those whom by virtue of their physicality we have the obligation of calling adults.

As a child, I often fancied the idea of becoming an adult, and being treated as one. I thought the process would be sudden, and I'll wake up on my 21st birthday, and be acknowledged as an adult. But, as I etch closer into adulthood, the prospect doesn't seem as glamourous. Especially as I watch should-be-called adults fall short of my definition of what it means to be adult.

A little observation would reveal that most "adults" give a Pavlovian Response to life's problems in response to triggers they must have first encountered as children; ringing the "give-me", "why-me" and "poor-me" bells of childhood. 

What it Means to be An Adult

A consequence of this observation has been the long introspection of what it truly means to be an adult and why some people fall short. In this post I attempt to answer this basic question some of us might have as it regards adulthood:

What does it mean to be an adult?

A question commonly asked -most times quietly- by people between the ages of 16-35; the transitional stage that leads to adulthood.

Being an adult involves doing "the best" with what you have, the best way you can. All for the purpose of adding value to yourself, those around you and the world. It comes from a number things. But, reduced to its essence, it stems from: owning your identity. 

A Sense of Independence

The product of owning your identity is independence. Independence is a common trait of highly successful people - people who are not easily swayed, because they know who they were, who they are and who they want to become. 

This definition begets an active response to life, where through active conditioning, a Pavlovian response is accorded to things that are useful. A conditioning that aligns with a purpose that is owned and identified with and dispels the inclination of hanging on to others for a sense of worth, esteem and value.

Responsibility

Independence governs our ability to respond, i.e., being response-able.

Look to a child who is dependent on his or her mother. Every response s/he makes is hinged on that dependence -for good reason. S/he is not able to respond to certain triggers due to a considerable limitation of skills and capabilities that come from development, growth and experience. Therefore, its okay to hear a child say: "Mummy, give me that!" "Nobody will play with me" or "All my friends are doing it!". 

How often do you hear: "I'm so helpless, no one will give me a job" "It's his fault my life is a mess" or "Everybody is doing it"?

These come from developed children in adult skin that do not see the importance of independent thought and thus lack the response-ability to make valid choices. And, more degradatory, lack the capacity to deal with the consequences that follows their insidious habit. 

A Habit of Choice 

The maturity that characterises adulthood is a process, a process that requires learning and growth.

A process implies that there is no "getting there". But, its still sad to see those who fall far behind. People who do not actively choose to learn and grow. 

The responsibility of leading a matured life with a duty of making it into something remarkable is stitched to the fabric of our identity. It's left for us to own it and follow through by getting into the habit of choice. 

Actively making choices is key to being highly effective. This ability is what makes an adult truly remarkable, as s/he utilizes it to break away from habits that hold him or her back. Habits that causes hindrances to doing the best with what s/he has the best way s/he can. The problem is that actively making choices is hard and requires us to do something even harder: think -most times creatively.

Unmasking the Child in All of Us

Feeling lost in the journey of adulthood is common place, whether you are just beginning or have been troddling on for many years. The child that we came to be after birth always lurks within. Nudging us into action based on pavlovian-like conditioning accorded during our earliest years. Silencing it is not what makes the adult. Its noticing it. Accepting that it comes with the overall package of being human. And, actively ignoring it for something greater; something you discover to be your identity.

How to Own Your Identity

Owning your identity begins with a decision: the decision to live a remarkable life. Truthfully, any decision will do. It forces you to start something. Out of that decision flows the composition of talents, values and passions that make up your identity. Remarkability comes from the continuous decision to stick with it long enough to see results. 

I have found these four tips to be invaluable in a developing a sense of embracing and owning my identity.

Keep a Journal.
I've had a journal since I can remember. Having a journal and recording your thoughts when you have the chance improves your self awareness and helps to clarify your thinking. It's an intimate way of communicating with yourself and makes thinking more effective.

All you have to do is buy a spiral note book and record your thoughts as it relates to work, idea, relationships etc., the best of the very best in the world -think Oprah, Leonardo Da Vinci- advocate the cultivation of this habit.

Ask Questions.
How often to you question the things around you? Things that sometimes govern your life. Entertain this child-like behaviour by asking endless questions. This expands your creativitity and draws you closer to answers. Write questions in your journal. Be boundless. Question rules, ideas, observations. Watch what happens.

State Your Identity

What do you identity with? Cut off the limitations of your mind that suggest you "cannot" or "should not" identify with those things. If you want to be a singer and identify with that, state it! "I want to be a singer, I am a singer". Or you love helping people. State it! "I help people. I love helping people" whether you believe it or not. Chances are that there are times when you believe it and there are times when you won't! All the same. State it! See where it leads you.

Quit Comparing Yourself with Others

Your identity is something spectacular: it is unique! It craves to bring about this into expression. Do not hinder it by bringing on frustrations that comes from comparing yourself with others. Identify your values, talents and passions. Hone them, watch them grow.

Conclusion

In all said, our adult life is made up of a cummulation of the decisions that stem from our choices. The responsibility of governing these choices and the consequences they bring qualifies us as humans. Humans who nurture their independence by doing the best with what they have the best way they can is what seperates mature adults from the rest. A maturity that comes from a process of identity ownership. The identification which reveals that we never actually grow up; we are just children ringing pavlovian bells in various stages of development.

................................................
Post Written by W.P Uduk
................................................

Photo Source: www.intropsych.com



What does being an adult mean to you?