Six Ways to Get Others to Like You

by Paul Washington Uduk

I am currently reading How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I hear its a Classic and a most read. It breathed me with inspiration to write on ways get to others to like you.

Become Genuinely Interested in Other People.

This is easier written than actually done. If you are like me, the first thing that comes to mind when you see something or someone is: I can count a thousand and six things wrong with that. Think about it; that hot person passes by and you think "her teeth is too scattered". We see that obviously fine dress but point out that the person wearing it has a fat belly. So much for trying to get her to like us...*i can get her fat belly out of my head!!!*.

A fix to this is to do the opposite. Fix your mind on what you love about the person you are observing or what you find interesting. I'm still growing on this philosophy and I've noticed that the mind does a wonderful job of wandering to the exact territory you do not want it to wander to. Our job is to pull it back to the region it should be.

Unless you inherently possess this amazing gift of being genuinely interested in others, I've seen that to become genuinely interested in others takes practice, patience tolerance and sometimes a whole lot of thought control. However, in the end it might just turn out to be more than worth it. 

Smile.

Smile as much as you can! Emphasis on can. As of present, I smile only when I'm in the mood. Thank God the frequency of being in-the-mood has been fair as of late; there are so many annoying things around. I use most of my "smile energy" to control my thinking.

Reserved "practical" people like me would ask; why in the world would I walk the streets smiling without a reason? That’s madness *eyes rolling * But perhaps its because we often forget that there is always a reason to smile. 

A positive outlook will make people want to be around you a lot more. Let me share a personal experience:

I was having one of those days where I consciously had to remind myself that there had to be something beautiful about my day and I was not just noticing it. #point. I was in a terrible mood and I wasn't smiling. The smile i gave to those who greeted me as I walked the street was at best a pursed lip. My current frequent banking is with Diamondbank at their Awolowo way Ikeja branch and woe betide them if I had arrived to meet a queue with more than three persons in it. I arrived and the first security man I came in contact with was smiling like a really excited baboon. The smile was soo intense that I lost myself for a moment and thought: "whatever most be making him smile that way most be really good!" As though my right hand has a mind of its own; it reached out to shake him and suddenly my face was smiling to match his smile (I hope I didn't end up smiling like a baboon too). There were over five security men and ALL of them were smiling really well nicely and greeting me as I walked toward the building of the bank. I remember thinking "they are trained for this" and feeling "I’m either very gullible or whatever they are doing works too damn well" Need I say I entered the bank with a different mood from when I first walked in through the gate? It felt good being there and I like them.

Remember that a Man's Name is the Sweetest Most Important Sound in Any Language.

Have you ever been in a situation where you come across someone you know you know but literally run away from the person? And it wasn't because you wore the oldest shirt in your wardrobe. You forgot the person's name! and didn't want to go through that really awkward interaction of trying to "re-get" his name. And the worse happens; the person yells your name and is joyfully walking/running towards you to start up a conversation *gad! where do I hide?*

In all this there is usually a feeling behind the cloud of the foregoing scenario. A pleasant feeling that says; this person knows and remembers my name. That feeling is there every time someone knows and remembers your name and it’s also present in others. Has someone referred to you as "Mr. Man" or worse "Mr. Woman" How did you feel? Grace people by saying their name as often as you can or allowed to in your first meeting. That way, the tendency to remember the name increases and you get to be graceful and honour them in your next meeting.

Be a Good Listener. Encourage Others to Talk About Themselves.

The art of listening has so many perks, yet still i can count a handful full of people who do not listen when others speak. After a conversion with such people we feel like we've been robbed and try to avoid another meeting with such people. and if we can't avoid such meetings and the relationship goes on for a while, resentment builds. To prevent this from happening, learn to listen to others. Ask them questions intelligently based on what they have said. Paraphrase to ensure that you really get what they are saying. It is said that one of the biggest yearnings of a man is to be understood. Understand them, and they'll grow an affinity for you.

On a very basic level, the most important person in any man's world is himself. When we encourage people to talk about themselves we get them to share with us who they are. Once a person shares who he is with you, you are a lot closer to getting them to like you. 

Its advisable to keep conversations balance. If you keep encouraging others to share to you about themselves and don't share in return, some will consider that you must be hiding something and then begin to avoid you

Talk in Terms of the Other Man's Interest.

Have you ever met someone with whom you shared an interest or interests with? If the person was somewhat pleasant, did you run out of things to talk about? Highly unlikely! If your want a person or others persons in general to like you. Go out of your way to find out what they are interested in. Ask questions to see if you share common interest. If you do, discuss away and be engaging.

 

Make the Other Person Feel More Important - and do it Sincerely. 

Be nice to others. Always give compliments, but don't try too hard. 

Now, to finish my Diamondbank story:

I was just about to pass through the door when the security  man sitting by the door said: "Dis your shirt fine well well oh. E come make your fine colour de shine" #my-translate "This shirt is very fine. It suits for beautiful skin perfectly". I suddenly realized I had a new shirt that i loved on and upon that realization felt really good about myself and i gave him the most sincere smile i had given anyone all morning. As i entered the bank people seemed nicer and the queue didn't bother me much. The world remained exactly the same but i saw it differently because someone was graceful enough to have me change my attitude.

I think the most important thing to have as the greatest teacher from the plains of Galilee said is love. Have it and share it abundantly. 

Thanks for reading!