Learn to Fail.

by Washington Paul Uduk.

Interesting title, Right? Why would anyone want to learn to actually fail? Read on and let’s find out.

I’ve had my share of failure. As I progress from this moment I deeply wish I wouldn't have to pass through its ordeal ever again. Being a perfectionist, I take failure pretty badly. And, one thing I noticed is that doing so only brings more of it. So, in that line, I set out to learn how to fail because only in knowing how to fail can we attain true success.

In an attempt to preach the 'success' message some authors usually leave out the importance of "failure". Napoleon Hill didn't. He mentioned that there is no such thing as "failure" and what people commonly call 'failure' should actually be referred to as "temporary setbacks". I found this to be one of the most profound things to come across in my life. Being that I’ve struggled with the fear of failure.

Truthfully, there was a time even just hearing the word "failure" made me cringe. I would procrastinate on what others would consider trivial tasks just because I was scared that if I didn't do it "perfectly" it would be a stain to my image and I would have to live with the ridicule forever. I would focus on trifle details so much without realizing that they were not very important to the task I needed to carry out. This behavior only led to not getting the perfect results I wanted.

As I looked around and perceived that my world was nowhere close to what I had in my mind. I built a degradatory self-talk that only made things even worse. I noticed my self-esteem plummet and my performance in various areas became poorer. What changed it all is the fact I came across that people misconceive temporary setback to be failure.

In simple terms failure is giving up on a goal when there is still a chance of getting it done. In other words, in a situation where it seems one meets a road block in the pursuit of a particular goal and throws in the towel being blind to the slightest glimmer of hope. He is a failure. Success comes only when one is able to meet such road blocks but still maintain focus on the ultimate end until it is achieved.

Here are 5 tips to handle set-backs.

Develop Faith

This isn't just for them spiritual and religious folks. If you won't call it faith, call it persistence. It’s just my opinion that faith brings about persistence. Develop faith today! It’s a simple as knowing that you have achieved what is it you have set out to achieve and you have it within you power to do whatever that is.

Watch your Self-talk

Self-talk is that conversion that goes on at back of your mind between numbers of "voices" in it. It is also called mental chatter. It’s not uncommon to find people that have let this self-talk get the better of them; listen to how they talk. It’s important to monitor your inner dialogue so as to understand your inner relationship with various things around you. I’ve come to know meditation to be very helpful with handling mental chatter. Also, prayer; we don't have to kneel with clasped hands to convince ourselves that we are praying. We are instructed to pray unceasingly; this applies to everything that goes on in our mind and what comes out of your lips. Simply finding something positive to affirm continuously either silently or vocally can be the most valuable habit you can adopt. Know that you are the boss of your mind.

Know who you truly are

It’s easy for us to see temporary setback and call it failure and then label ourselves to be failures. No one is a failure unless he says he is. No one is truly a failure. It’s important that we know who we truly are. We can start with knowing that we can do all things through the strength of our creator.

Let go of your past

Ever heard that the most important moment is now? Well its true. Don't want to delve into the scientific nitty-gritty. Thing is there are planes in which time doesn't exist or doesn't count. We exist in such planes and judging yourself on past circumstances isn't healthy especially in cases where no positive outcome is guaranteed. If you have gotten into the habit of worrying due to past occurrences or future possibilities, carve out a small duration of your day; perhaps 10-15 minutes. You can call it "worry-time" or whatever works for you. It’s only in this time you are allowed to worry. When worry comes at a moment outside this duration, simply tell yourself that you'll worry later at your "worry-time". In time you won’t have to worry based on past occurrences will fade off.

 Don’t compare yourself with others

There are various ways we use to evaluate ourselves. Comparing ourselves with others is by far the worse and surprisingly the most common. Comparison in this regard magnifies our sense of failure and should be avoided. To make things worse, the comparison is usually done based on inaccurate information. Steve Furtick was right when he said we compare our 'behind the scene' with everyone else's highlight reel. This breeds insecurity in us, fans the flames of envy and causes low-self-confidence. What's important is that we focus on our own values. Someone bluntly put it as "mind your business". I feel this applies here.

Wisdom is important in knowing that some causes are lost causes and should not even be pursued to begin with. They should be dropped immediately one realizes they are lost causes. There no failure in that. Only wisdom.

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